Depression in a Good Life

So, life's been good lately. BUSY, but good!

After the struggles I had with Fat Pig (which is really an entire blog unto itself), I worked it out in time to open to very enthusiastic audiences. The nightly talk-backs are educational if nothing else. But, as I said, another blog for another time.

A little over two weeks ago, a months long flirting dance final materialized into a first date. And thank God it did!! Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dan.

He is a gem. Truly! He is the most caring, genuine, and wonderful man I've ever met! He treats me so well, I don't know quite what to do with myself. I've taken up residence on Cloud Nine and happy days are here again! Almost...

Last night, about mid-evening, I hit a low. It seemed to come from nowhere. So, the self-examination began:
Depression medicine taken...check
In love...check
Enough sleep...check
Doing theatre...check
Money issues...as always -- OK this could be contributing to it
Eating well...ch...well...no...too many carbs lately, OK -- another possible culprit
PMS...who the hell knows

OK -- so there are three possible culprits right there. Dan did his best to shake me out of the mood (and did quite well actually), but it just seemed to persist. I woke this morning in such a funk, I realized something needs to change. So time to make some changes in order to create the idyllic life that finally seems possible.

On the nutritional front -- I was thinking about when I was on THE DIET this past summer and how even my mood was. As I've been adding things back in to my eating patterns -- things that I am well aware should be eaten in moderation if at all -- I'm finding my depression sneaking back in. As I began to research the mood/nutrition balancing act today, I found this valuable piece of info:

Nancy Appleton, in Lick the Sugar Habit pointed out that sugar drains your body of its nutritional resources. (2, pp.12-20)

Consuming sugar and simple carbohydrates -- such as white breads and pastries -- also cause your blood sugar to rise quickly.

Then, your body releases insulin and glucagon to break down the sugar, controlling its level in your blood. If too much insulin and glucagon are released, your blood sugar level can drop too low, a condition called hypoglycemia.

Michael Murray, N.D., wrote in his book, which addresses depression diet problems, Natural Alternatives to Prozac, "Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) is another common cause of depression...The association between hypoglycemia and depression is largely ignored by most physicians -- they simply never even consider it as a possibility despite the fact that several studies have shown hypoglycemia to be very common in depressed individuals." (10, p. 77)

Other substances that cause depression diet problems -- such as caffeine, nicotine, food colorings, and preservatives -- destroy nutrients, over stimulate your bodies glands, interfere with the way your body processes nutrients, weaken your immune system, and cause other harmful effects which contribute to depression.

That says pretty loud and clear to stay the heck away from the carbs, does it not?! Oh, and the...gulp...caffiene! That one is going to hurt!! AND HEY! I know, how about I start taking my vitamins again on a regular basis. That's a great idea. I'll update the blog as I learn more. Sound good?

Financial -- that's always a tricky one isn't it? But if any of my buds out there in cyberland are good at creating and managing a budget, I'd love the help. It's time to get this straight and stop the struggling and hand-to-mouth mentality. I'd love to hear from my fellow artists out there. Do you think we fall into the hand-to-mouth trap because of what we do or despite it?

PMS -- Well, all of us women and the people that love us struggle through this one. Not a ton to be done about it. Bare with me baby!

To wrap up: Even though I feel I shouldn't be phased by this anymore, I am once again surprised by the depth of the mind/body connection. Fascinating!

AND --

The following song has been bouncing around my brain for the past week or so. I thought I'd share:

-- A Wonderful Guy --

Nellie:
I expect everyone of my crowd to make fun
Of my proud protestations of faith in romance,
And they'll say I'm naive as a babe to believe
Every fable I hear from a person in pants.

Fearlessly I'll face them and argue their doubts away,
Loudly I'll sing about flowers in spring,
Flatly I'll stand on my little flat feet and say
Love is a grand and a beautiful thing!
I'm not ashamed to reveal
The world famous feelin' I feel.

I'm as corny as Kansas in August,
I'm as normal as blueberry pie.
No more a smart little girl with no heart,
I have found me a wonderful guy!

I am in a conventional dither,
With a conventional star in my eye.
And you will note there's a lump in my throat
When I speak of that wonderful guy!

I'm as trite and as gay as a daisy in May,
A cliché comin' true!
I'm bromidic and bright
As a moon-happy night
Pourin' light on the dew!

I'm as corny as Kansas in August,
High as a flag on the Fourth of July!
If you'll excuse an expression I use,
I'm in love, I'm in love,
I'm in love, I'm in love,
I'm in love with a wonderful guy!

I'm as trite and as gay as a daisy in May,
A cliché comin' true!
I'm bromidic and bright
As a moon-happy night
Pourin' light on the dew!

If you'll excuse an expression I use,
I'm in love,
I'm in love,
I'm in love,
I'm in love,
I'm in love with a wonderful guy!

Here's wishing you all a very lovely day!

Ah-ha Moments

I had the good fortune to stay down in Olympia this past weekend.

Yep! I said good fortune.

I spent Friday doing nothing but watching reruns and going for a walk around the lake. Now, I know you're all dieing to hear me recount the hilarity of the Everyone Loves Raymond and King of Queens episodes I watched, but I'm afraid I will have to disappoint you. What I want to discuss is the many Ah-ha! moments I experienced on my walk.

Let me preface these moments by saying these are things we all know, but tend to forget in our hurried, stress-filled lives.

As I started along the path encircling the lake, I looked to my left and saw, through the trees, a heron; head-nestled, still amidst the tall reeds. Upon seeing it's quiet beauty, I inhaled the joy of the moment and scents of my surroundings. Something in the air brought forth vague familiar feelings of being home in Wisconsin; of autumn days and the warmth of family. I felt completely at home and at peace. I've always been searching for a place that provides that caring embrace I experienced growing up. For a long time I searched for it in places I felt I was supposed to live, supposed to love, but I realized the place isn't as important as the feeling. Environment is as important as the people you share it with.
Shortly after, I saw a man sitting along the pathway who was disheveled and talking to himself. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but kept my eyes diverted. I focused on the pathway and kept walking. Shortly after passing him, I hear a violent liquid splatter on the ground. Those of you who know me well, know I detest seeing (or hearing) people throw up. When I lived in NYC, it seemed like, without fail, I picked the train-car that had the puker in it. Once, it happened outside the station; I didn't even need to wait until I got on the train. That's exactly what it sounded like this man had done, except for the distinct absence of any retching sounds. Hearing this splatter, my stomach turned for a moment, but my mind grabbed on that absence of sound. I came up with the following scenario: Upon seeing a woman walking alone and purposefully not paying attention to him, probably fairly close to his age, he forcefully empties a vessel filled with water in order to get her attention. OK -- I admit, that is fully my mind's invention, but it made me start to ponder our innate need for communication. We all need someone to talk to. How much better is life when we are able to share our grand ideas, quirky experiences, and mundane happenstance? Do you ever find yourself tuning someone out because you feel like you've heard what they have to say or you can guess what's coming next in their story? Or maybe you're just too busy to care. Let's take a second look at that behavior. Perhaps the person telling or retelling you a story, needs you to not only listen but to really hear them. It is my goal to be more present in these situations and spend the time listening that I would hope others would spend on me.

Following the path, I turned past the Capital. The reeds were beginning to thin and provide bolder views of the lake and the Sound beyond. I think I had a full-body grin that day because everyone I passed responded with at least a smile if not a short conversation. It was lovely. I had been working such long hours for so many months, that I hadn't been able to take a day simply for myself; to do exactly what I wanted to. My day of rest was a day of sheer happiness that reminded me that I must take care to enrich my soul as well as my career (or wallet). Too often we stretch ourselves past the point of exhaustion or sickness; sometimes out of need, but more often out of habit. It is my goal to take "soul time" at least once every two weeks.

As I reached about the half-way point I realized how good my body felt. My newly revised body was easily taking on the path, despite my ongoing battle with a covert cold. Even at my heaviest, I have always been at slightly athletic so exercise is not foreign to me. This was different. There was a freedom in my movement. A sense of peace within my body that mirrored the peace and joy in my mind. Plainly said, exercise is good! I wasn't doing it to try to lose weight or because I thought I was supposed to. I was doing it because it made me happy. It made me feel good. That's quite a switch for me. I hope to maintain it.

As I rounded the base of the lake, my body was done and ready for a shower. Showers are good, too.

All in all, it was a lovely day. If I could wish you anything for Christmas, it would be to have your own day of important reminders.

Happy Holidays!
Rachel

Welcome

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We'll talk about life, love, lust, and lactards. We'll discuss depression, joy, theatre and what makes us happy.
AND
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